27 jul. 2011

Rompiendo moldes - Breaking the mold

Ayer una amiga me propuso que os preguntase vuestra opinion acerca de la siguiente frase: "detras de un hombre de exito, siempre se esconde una mujer fuerte". Yo, personalmente, no estoy de acuerdo al 100% con esta frase. Yo creo que detras de una PERSONA con exito siempre se esconden una o varias personas que han sido los pilares durante el desarrollo de dicho exito, ya sean una pareja, unos padres, hermanos, o incluso grandes amig@s. Lo que me resulto mucho mas interesante, fue el enlace que mi amiga compartio despues de decir esto. Era de una encuesta a un grupo de hombres y entre algunas de las preguntas estaba la siguiente: "saldrias con una mujer que tiene hijos de una relacion anterior?" 

Estas dos frases combinadas me hicieron recapacitar y darme cuenta de que, pese a todos los avances, en ciertos temas seguimos estancados. Yo me pregunto: "por que cuando una mujer tiene una pareja de exito se asume que ella es la clave pero eso no se dice de un hombre?" Si una mujer tiene exito, a su pareja no se le atribuye mas que la suerte de estar con una mujer de exito, aunque todos sepamos que el exito no se consigue sin ayuda de otros. A mi esta frase me parece que viene de cuando las mujeres se quedaban en casa porque estaban contribuyendo al desarollo profesional del marido - que me parece una frase de lo mas molona cuando esta escrita en una peticion de divorcio. La pregunta de la encuesta tambien es bastante interesante, porque esta pregunta se la hacen mucho mas a un hombre que a una mujer. Por que se asume que una mujer estaria encantada de salir con alguien con hijos? Por que todas las mujeres quieren ser madres? 

Cada vez son mas mis amigas que me cuentan que sienten como si tuvieran que pedir disculpas por no haberse casado aun, por no haber tenido hijos aun, o porque han tenido mas exito profesional que una ex-pareja. Disculpas a quien? Yo vivo ignorando estos moldes. Yo no quiero ser la clave del exito de nadie mas que del mio (y creo en las relaciones de equipo donde ambos contribuyen al exito del otro), ni quiero que nadie asuma que quiero criar a los hijos de nadie cuando no quiero criar ni los mios propios, y NUNCA voy a pedir disculpas a nadie por lo poco o mucho que consiga profesionalmente.  

Yesterday, a friend of mine suggested that I ask my readers' opinion regarding the following sentence: "behind a successful man, there is always a strong woman." I, personally, do not agree wit this statement 100%. I believe that behind a successful PERSON there always are one or several people  that have been the pillars during the development of that success. It could be a partner, parents, brothers or sisters, and even great friends. What I found even more interesting was a link that she invited me to take a look at. It was a survey to a group of men and, among the many questions presented, the following caught my attention: "would you date a woman with children from a previous relationship?"

These two sentences together got me thinking and I realized that, even with all the progress that we've made as women, we are still stuck in some issues. I wonder: why when a man is successful the key to his success is attributed to a woman, but if a woman is successful her guy is just a lucky man, even though we all know that nobody can succeed without others' help? I believe this comes from the times when women decided to stay home and "help with the professional development of their husbands" - which is such a rocking statement when listed in a divorce petition. The survey question is also very interesting, because this question is mainly asked to men and not so much to women. Why is it assumed that a woman would love to date a guy with a child from a previous relationship? Because all women want to have children?

Lately, I talk to many friends that feel as if they have to apologize for not being married yet, for not being a mom yet, or for being more successful than an ex. Apologize to who?? I live ignoring those molds. I do not want to be the key to anybody's success but my own (and I believe in the kind of relationship where the two of you are a team contributing to each others' success), neither do I want anybody to assume that I want to raise somebody's kids when I don't even want to raise my own, and I will NEVER apologize to anybody for whatever professional success I may achieve.

4 comentarios:

  1. This was a thought provoking post. The feminist in me wants to believe that behind every great man lies an even greater woman, but the reality is that no real feminist would waste her time advancing her man's career when she could advance her own. :) I have to agree with you--I also believe that for the most part, a person's success is the culmination of one or more people. And like you mention, many times it's a spouse or a parent. Or at least, that's what I'd like to think given how hard it is to reach milestones without a net of support. I really enjoyed reading this post!

  2. mmm..."though provoking"; I like it! I actually don't consider myself a feminist but I do consider myself a very independent person. That's why I think this way. I would not go as far as saying that I am a feminist, because I know that I would never be involved with a man that doesn't look as if he could take care of his family - if needed. But I'd think the same about a woman if I was a man, I believe. Thanks for your comment!!

  3. Muy bien Sandra asi se habla defendiendo tus ideas..un besito amor